How a Heartbreak Really Feels
by london56
Summary: Rachel and Quinn used to date but broke up when Rachel cheated on Quinn. What happens when the two girls meet up again by chance? Started off as a one-shot, became a two-shot and now im thinking of just making it a short story
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: So I'm not actually a writer or anything, i'm a student at the moment and my english teacher keeps saying my creative writing stories have too much angst, hence i've decided to write some faberry as an outlet :) This is possibly the worst time of my life to be starting up this kind of thing as i'm rapidly approaching my end of year exams but it's something i've managed to find myself doing as a little procrastination.

At first I thought i'd just do this as a oneshot but there's a very high change of me eventually making it a two-shot or possibly a short story, depending on what people think of course. I'm a pretty angsty person but I love our girls so chances are i'll end up finding a way to put the two back together, you'll just have to wait and see.

Come talk to me on tumblr if you have any ideas or anything you'd like to say... I don't bite ;) fyeahfaberrry

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You've been expected to show the new girl at work around while she's on her trial. Teach her how to make coffees, the names of all the numerous names of biscuits and slices and how to set up all the tables in the café, ready to start the day. You can't think of anything worse. You've already been working way more than you ever wished to and this on top of it all is too much. But you need the money, especially after your disastrous break up with your girlfriend. She offered to let you keep the apartment – she knew you'd struggle more financially than her. But you couldn't. You couldn't take anything more from here than you already had. Not after you completely shattered her heart.

So now you're at work, ready to start yet another excruciatingly long day of serving rude, grumpy customers their coffee. Ready to teach some Amanda girl the ropes of the café. You sigh exasperatedly as you refill the beans in the coffee maker. Let yet another day of hell begin.

Amanda comes in to work an hour into your shift. You want to hate her, you really do, just because that's how you've started dealing with anyone you meet nowadays, you don't deserve to have friends, to be happy. Not after what you did.

You're keen to despise Amanda with her perfectly styled caramel hair, her piercing green orbs which envelop you with warmth, but you can't. She's enthusiastic, bouncy and ready to impress you. She reminds you of the girl you used to be and somehow, you find yourself liking her – as a friend. You can't see yourself with her romantically, you can't see yourself with anyone anymore, not after what happened.

Amanda of course aces her trial period and is offered the job. She bounces up and down in an awkward hug/hold with you when you tell her the news and you can't help but be happy for her. She's one of those people that are just so kind and bubbly you want good things for her.

The two of you start working with each other almost everyday and it's nice. It's nice, after 6 months to have some kind of human interaction that isn't asking people for their coffee orders and a quick 'have a nice day'. It's nice being able to talk to someone and hear about their life.

Amanda tells you she moved here a few months ago, she transferred from some community college to NYU to study law when she was offered a scholarship. You can't help but be impressed, not only is she beautiful but she's smart to. She's a catch. When you ask her if there's anyone significant in her life she immediately blushes and her face lights up as she tells you about the girl she's been dating for the past few months. You're envious of her happiness as she tells you about all the painfully beautiful dates her girlfriend takes her on, how her girlfriend sometimes comes over unannounced just because she wants to give her flowers when she's having a bad day. You also hear about how skilled of a lover Amanda's girlfriend is – admittedly a little inappropriate for the workplace but you haven't had sex since that fateful day so you can't help but live vicariously through Amanda's sex life.

Your chest constricts a little as she tells you all these cute little stories about her girlfriend. You used to have this but you threw it all away, tossed it aside as if it meant nothing in the search for the next best thing – not realising at the same time that you already had it.

One day at work, Amanda asks if you could cover for her so she can leave work 15 minutes early. She has a date with the girlfriend and she has been buzzing with excitement all day. You accept of course, not just because you need the money but because you want to do something for Amanda – just because you're not happy doesn't mean she shouldn't be. She ducks out to the storeroom to get ready for tonight, leaving you to take care of the counter and coffee machine. If it was anyone else you'd be pissed but you're not. You simply can't hate Amanda.

You're mindlessly going about your business when it happens. Your "Hi, how can I help you?" goes unanswered and you bring your eyes up from the computer to see why the person in front of you isn't answering.

And then you see her.

She's still as perfect as she was the first day you ever saw her. She's flawless. She looks a little different from the last time the two of you interacted in person, somehow she's managed to get even more beautiful.

"…Quinn"

"…uh … hi, Rachel"

It stings a little that she doesn't call you Rach anymore but at least it's not 'manhands' or 'rupaul'. If she had reverted back to that Quinn, you don't think you could have survived. 'it's sooooo good to see you' you blurt, emphasising the 'ooo's in 'so' way more than necessary. She visibly flinches, yet ever the polite, kind woman she is, tries to disguise it with a small smile – it looks more like a grimace.

It's awkward for a few seconds, you're literally just standing there, starring at her from across the counter whilst she desperately tries to look at anything but you. "…so this is…awkward", you're desperate now to try and relieve the tension. In some deluded fantasy, you wish the both of you could just miraculously pick up from where you used to be, back to being 'Quinn and Rachel'. You manage to get a small chuckle from her and it may be laced with an underlining bitterness but it's still something, she isn't being openly hostile, she isn't being rude and she hasn't stormed out – each of those things you deserve. She always was too good for you.

"Listen, I get off work in about an hour, would you..would you maybe like to grab a coffee or something? I'll make it." You attempt to joke, "It's been so long since we've seen each other and I've missed you I really have and I know I have no right to still want anything from you Quinn" your voice breaks a little but you force yourself to keep going "I get that but I can't help it, so please? Just one coffee?" You're starting to get a little desperate now as you look into her blank hazel eyes. Eyes that used to light up with such an intense love when they would to reach yours. "…I…I cant" she rasps out, voice as beautifully husky as ever. You aren't really surpised but that doesn't stop the tears from coming either. "Please?" All pride out the window now as you desperately beg for something, anything. " It's not that, I'm actually meeting someon-" she's cut off as a blur of caramel hair jumps on her, wrapping their legs around your Qui-Quinn's waist. Its only after you recover from the shock of the intrusion that you realise Quinn's lips are currently attached to someone, someone that's obviously not you. And as the two seamlessly kiss infront of you as if they have done so for a lifetime, you manage to snap out of your confusion in time to realise it isn't some random girl attached to Quinn, it's Amanda.

"Rae! This is my girlfriend, Quinn!" **Girlfriend.** **Quinn.** No, this couldn't be happening. Not your Quinn. Quinn looks at you, obviously equally as shocked as you are as Amanda – her **girlfriend** has an arm wrapped around her waist, pushing their bodies closer than your stomach can manage right now. You feel like you're going to pass out, or throw up…or both at the same time. You somehow manage to offer Quinn a watery 'it's nice to meet you' before you sprint to the storeroom, to safety from those piercing hazel eyes. From the girl you once loved, who are you kidding, from the girl you're still completely in love with, who's girlfriend - your only friend at the moment, kissed the day lights out of right in front of you. To some extent, you saw this coming just over 6 months ago when you and you alone ruined the single best thing in your life, but you didn't imagine seeing Quinn with someone else could hurt this much.


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note:

It's an amazing feeling to have your story reviewed/followed/favourited. Thank you all so much, I've always been a really self-conscious writer so this has been really amazing for me. I'm not really good with the whole spelling, grammar, punctuation thing and typing all of this is a bit weird for me because I'm more of a hand writer so apologies in advance for all the mistakes I do.

This entire chapter's going to be a flashback and I've divided it up in two. We're going to look at what the couple were like as a couple when everything was fine and then the next half of the flashback will be the night everything goes down. I've mixed a bit of fluff and angst to try and soften the pain a little for you all :)

**End of senior year **

You're cuddled up in bed with Quinn. She's still asleep and you watch her, it's your favourite thing to do with Quinn. Yeah, you're a little creepy but she's just so beautiful when she's sleeping, she looks so peaceful. Daylight's starting to break through the curtains of your bedroom and somehow, the faint rays of sun manage to illuminate her, making her look even more angelic. God you're in love with her. You can imagine spending the rest of your life like this. Waking up to her perfect face every morning.

"You're creepy." You break out of your trance when you're met with slightly drowsy hazel eyes. You give her a quick peck to the lips, followed by a few more. "You love it." She smiles at you before shyly bringing up her sheets to cover her face, completely hiding her face from you. "Quinnnnie, I promise I wont be creepy anymore, just let me see you", you hear some undistinguishable mumbling that sounded a lot like 'don't call me that' followed by a mess of blonde hair popping up from under the sheets. She's grinning at you like a two year old and you can't stop yourself from breathing out "I love you". You're rewarded with a deep kiss that makes your toes curl and your brain haze over.

"Because you love me, does this mean I don't have to come tonight?" She asks cheekily, probably only slightly joking. "You don't want to go to the going away party being thrown for us by all of our friends? Sure I don't see why not!" You throw back sarcastically. She groans and snuggles into you, head placed perfectly between your head and shoulder. She kisses your neck briefly. "I do want to see everyone before we leave I just can't handle another night watching Finn stare at you like a sad little puppy…and he's really hansy when he's been drinking." She mumbles into your neck whilst rubbing patterns with her thumb on your stomach. You can't help but smile at this. You love a jealous Quinn. She somehow manages to simultaneously pull off being adorable and extremely hot when she's jealous, but you know not to push her too far. Finn is a very delicate topic in your relationship. "We've been over this, I love _you, _I want to be with _you_, but I can't just stop being friends with Finn completely, he's my best friend" She grunts her disapproval into your shoulder. "Okay, yes I may have a romantic past with him and he will always have a special place in my heart but you're the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, not Finn". You can feel her smiling into your neck. You know you said the right thing as she starts peppering kisses along your collarbone, moving her way up to your face and thoroughly kissing your lips. When you break apart, your eyes meet and she's wearing her trademark eyebrow raise as you both come to realise the compromising position you're in – Quinn's straddling you. You both grin at each other like little kids and then Quinn starts kissing her way down your body, paying extra attention to the areas she knows drives you crazy. That's the best part about your relationship with Quinn, she knows you and your body so well. As she reaches where you want her the most, she looks up at you and her hazel orbs shine right through you, causing your breath to hitch a little. She's grinning again as she says, "I'll do exactly what you want me to do" She kisses your thigh, "_if_ we can call off tonight and spend it together like this instead." Stupid manipulative sexy girlfriend. You grab her head and force it where you want it to be, "we're going tonight _and_ you're doing what I want you to do." You feel her giggling against you as she works her magic. God bless mornings with Quinn.

**The night it all went down**

You've been living in New York with Quinn for just under a year now. At first, it was everything you'd ever hoped for. No parents to interrupt you, no curfews, just Quinn and the city you're in love with. It was perfect, but then you and Quinn managed to find yourselves in a bit of a rut.

Real life and the responsibilities of rent, bills and classes took over. You were no longer high school students with copious amounts of time on your hands - you were adults now. Your schedule never matched Quinn's and you'd sometimes find yourselves going days without having a substantial conversation. Sometimes she'd come home around 2 in the morning looking absolutely exhausted from studying. You'd be asleep having given up waiting for her. You'd hear her mumble an apology into your neck as she'd cuddle into you, spooning you from behind. You'd sigh and take her arm to wrap it around yourself, as you'd succumb to your slumber. You could never be mad at Quinn.

You couldn't help being a little suspicious of how much time Quinn spent studying away from home. She reassured you time and time again she was only studying with classmates, nothing more. You believed her but you still felt uncertain. You knew she'd never do anything like that to you, but as she got more and more busy and your sex life became more and more inexistent you began to doubt her.

It was on yet another lonely night in your miniature sized apartment – Quinn liked to call it 'Rachel-sized', when he came over. Quinn had texted you telling you that she'd once again be staying out late at the library and not to wait up. You tried to stop the anger from rising as you read her text but you couldn't. You knew she had exams coming up and she needed to study, but you needed her too. So when there was a knock as the door and you opened it to find one Finn Hudson smiling back at you, you were more than happy to let him inside. He looks good. The army has done him well and he's definitely lost some weight. His new hair cut also makes him finally look like an adult.

You open up a few bottles of wine and share it between the two of you as you begin to catch up. He explains he's in New York for the next couple of days visiting Kurt and thought he might pop by and say hey. When he asks about Quinn, you don't hold back your bitter comment about her having to stay out late to study. He doesn't miss your tone and you don't move his hand away as he puts it on your thigh as an act of comfort. Your eyes meet and it's strange to be seeing a look of want in eyes that aren't hazel. Your pulse quickens as he begins to lower his face to meet yours. You know this is bad, this is very very bad. You know that not only would this completely destroy Quinn if she was to find out, but the fact that it was with Finn, the boy that Quinn had spent so much time being self-conscious about, would make it so much worse. The bitterness of your situation gets the better of you and the alcohol coursing through your brains causes the little voice in your head screaming 'no' to quieten. You meet Finn half way, tasting the wine on his breath as you deepen the kiss. This is so wrong, but it's the closest thing to good you've felt in months. You finally feel wanted.

You don't even stop to think of Quinn as the two of you move to the bedroom – the bedroom you and Quin share. As clothes are frantically being removed you don't think of how much this will shatter Quinn. You don't think of her at all and looking back on it all now, this is why you hate yourself. You're selfish. You need constant attention and Quinn wasn't giving it to you anymore, so you found the next best thing that will. You also hate the emptiness you feel when you're with Finn, it isn't his fault, it isn't Quinn's fault – it's your own. It's during it that you realise what a mistake you're making, no one can make you feel like Quinn does. You've stuffed up.

You don't realise your selfishness however, until you're looking at Quinn from your position on top of Finn on the bed, frozen at the doorway of your bedroom holding a beautiful bouquet of flowers, not just any flowers though – Gardenias. There's a deafening silence in the room. Everything stops. It feels like you've been stagnant for hours until Quinn throws the bouquet on the floor and storms out. You quickly jump off Finn, telling him to get dressed and leave as you run out to find Quinn. You don't have to go very far, she's sitting on the couch of your living room staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She isn't shaking and she isn't crying, she isn't showing any signs of emotion. This scares you the most. An emotional Quinn you can diffuse, you can calm down that Quinn. This Quinn though you have never seen before.

You approach her cautiously after Finn bolted out of your apartment. You slowly sit down next to her on the couch, leaving a reasonable amount of space between the two of you in case she decides to lash out. "..Q-Q-Quinn?" you stutter. Your heart's pounding against your ribs with a disturbing force. She doesn't look at you so you try again, a little stronger this time "Quinn?" This time she turns. She doesn't meet your eyes though; her cloudy hazel eyes find their way to your next and keep their focus there. At the mark Finn had left on your neck, marking you as his. This appears to be Quinn's breaking point as she stands up, still refusing to look you in the eye and tells you she'll be out by the morning. You rush to her, your eyes watering as you feel your heart beginning to break. "No, no, no Quinn, please! It was a mistake, I am so sorry, I don't even have the words to express you sorry I am!" It doesn't seem to register with Quinn at all as she looks at you with stone cold eyes. "You could have told me you wanted Finn, I would have understood." You know this is it; this is the moment your heart breaks forever. "Quinn, no" you try and interrupt but she's having none of it. "All I ever wanted is for you to be happy" Her voice breaks as her eyes begin to water. You take back what you said before, seeing her emotionless was much easier than the utter devastation you see in her perfect eyes. "Baby, we can get past this, we can work this out, we don't need to break up…please?" You beg, "I know I made a mistake, I am so stupid but I know now, I know that you're all I want. Not Finn" You try but you know your attempts are worthless from the way Quinn is looking at you. She smiles sadly "You told me that once before, look how that turned out." You know she isn't trying to be mean, she's just being truthful. That fact that she doesn't revert back to HBIC Quinn makes you fall in love with her even more; ironically it's too late. "I…I can't do this Rach. Not after you slept with _him_ of all people. I love you, I do, but I honestly don't think I can ever get past this." Tears are freely falling down your face now, "We're done". There it is, the final blow. You're both crying and you hate yourself that you cause this. "You can keep the apartment, it's late now but I'll move out in the morning" Quinn says, you hate how fast everything is suddenly moving. It's like someone managed to press fast-forward and suddenly you and Quinn are over. "No Quinn, I can't let you do that. Why don't we both just go to bed, it's late. We'll talk about logistics in the morning once we have some time to process things okay?" She nods back her response and moves to settle onto the couch. You're confused at first at her actions until the reality of you situation finally sinks in. The bed.

The bed you and Quinn consummated your love for each other for nights on end. The bed you bought together. The golden sheets she bought for you as a gift because she knew you'd love them. You tarnished them. You slept with Finn on a haven you and Quinn built together. At this realisation, you want to throw up. This is the final straw in completely shattering what's left of your heart. Your utter disregard for Quinn, her feelings and your relationship makes you disgusted in yourself. You don't blame Quinn for opting for the couch.

When you wake up the next morning, you've made your decision. You quietly pack your bags; ready to leave the home you built with Quinn. It's not fair for Quinn to have to move out, you're the one at fault here. When you walk out of your bedroom, you see Quinn's still sleeping on the couch. She still looks as beautiful as ever, even with puffy eyes, obviously from crying over you and what you did. It's ironic that your favourite thing to do, watch Quinn sleep, will be the last thing you'll most likely ever be able to do with her. Everything's so beautifully tragic. Quinn may have been busy the past few months but you're the one that ruined the relationship. Your need to feel needed, to feel special got the better of you. It ruined the most important thing you have in your life.

You find a piece of paper, signing it off with a simple 'I'm Sorry'. What else can you say? You know there is no possible words to express you regret. With that you walk out of Quinn's life.

* * *

It's amazing how much you can get done with procrastinating. This has literally consumed my weekend.

So after writing this I think I'm leaning more towards keeping Quinn/Amanda together? Thoughts?

Hopefully I didn't break your hearts too much


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** So can I just start by saying a massive THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed/followed/favourited my story. When I first set out about writing this I literally thought I'd get about 2 reviews but 38 has literally blown my mind. Thank you for all your inputs, they've been incredibly insightful.

So originally, I was going to end my story with explaining what had happened to cause the two to break up and end it there but due to the response I've gotten I've decided to extend my story to the best of my ability. As exciting as this is however, it's going to take some time because I'm going to have to plan out where I'm heading whilst gearing up for my end of year exams, hence meaning after this update I'm not going to be able to update for a little while. Have no fear though; I **promise **you all this story will never be abandoned.

I love how many of you want your Quinn/Amanda and your Faberry. As I had never intended on continuing my story I never considered having to decide on my stories endgame. Due to everyone's responses and my own want to explore, I've decided I'm going to split the story in two. On this story, you'll find the core to my story with Faberry focus. What I'm also going to do though is have my Quinn/Amanda endgame in a separate story (which I'll link you all and notify you when it's done). I can't guarantee you guys they're going to be long, Quinn/Amanda might only be a one-shot because I can see more possibilities in the Faberry side of the story but I'll do my best to make everyone happy.

Okay this is really stupidly long. This chapter is a bit of a filler but I think it's very necessary in shaping how I want my story to turn out.

Apologises for grammar etc mistakes.

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"So…the awkward moment when my current girlfriend is _your_ ex-girlfriend" Is what startled you out of your daydream whilst staring at the packed to the ceiling bags of coffee. It's been three days since you last worked with Amanda and you found out her amazingly perfect girlfriend is in fact Quinn.

After you recover from your shock you turn to smile sheepishly at her. You can't quite find the words appropriate for your situation so you go to your immediate reaction to anything that happens these days – apologise. She laughs at your apology and comes over to give you one of her infamous bear hugs. You're surprised at the relief you feel once her arms envelope you.

Over the past few days in true Rachel Berry style, you have thought out every possible scenario for the situation you're in. Perhaps Quinn didn't tell Amanda about the two of you, perhaps she did and Amanda doesn't want to be friends anymore because she feels threatened, perhaps Quinn was happy to see you. Those were the thoughts that plagued your every waking moment for the past 72 hours.

You're glad Amanda's response was to hug you. You're glad you haven't lost her as a friend. When she finally releases you, she moves to sit down on an old crate and positions a second one next to it, gesturing for you to sit down with her. "I think we should talk about this though, for the sake of our friendship" she says as she grabs your hands in hers, eyes brimming with sincerity and kindness.

There's an awkward silence, you have no idea what to say. You feel utterly pathetic and almost on the verge of tears as you look down at your connected hands and question every piece of jewellery on it. Did Quinn give Amanda that bracelet for their anniversary? Did Quinn find that ring at a market and just had to buy it for Amanda because she knew she'd love it?

Amanda senses your hesitation and decides to start the conversation, "You want to know how Quinn and I met?" You look up from her hands and give her your full attention, prompting her to begin her story. "I was working at a bar before I got my job here and there was this girl who used to come almost every night, sit by herself and order drink, after drink, after drink." You cringe a little at this information - you know where this is heading. "She'd never talk to anyone, she'd blatantly ignore any sleazy guy or attention craving girl trying to hit on her" This doesn't surprise you; Quinn would always get hit on when the two of you were together. "Around closing time, a Latina girl would come, accompanied by this bubbly blonde girl. They'd both pick her up and take her home." Santana and Brittany, of course. "One night, it was almost closing time and her –what I assumed were friends didn't come. I got a little worried so I came up to her and asked her if she had anyone to pick her up as she was obviously too drunk to get herself home. When I got to her, she was passed out, her head placed on top of the bar. Funnily enough, she still managed to look beautiful in this state." You both laugh at this, both of you not oblivious to Quinn's evident beauty. Amanda continues on "I didn't know what to do, I had to close up and I had no way of knowing who to contact. I searched for a phone on her to try and find a way to contact her friends but came up empty. Out of desperation, I decided to take her home with me. At least then I'd know she'd be safe." You're grateful for this; the possibility of Quinn getting hurt at the hands of someone else because of your actions makes your stomach churn.

"So I took her home, put her to sleep on my bed and went to sleep on my couch – I figured she needed the comfort more than I did." You can't help but smile at Amanda's kindness. "When I was tucking her in, she was murmuring something I at first couldn't make out. When I got closer I realised she was quietly whispering 'Rachel'". You let out a dramatic gasp at this, your already watering eyes blink away tears as you hear about the pain you put Quinn through.

"In the morning, Quinn was a little freaked out – understandably, as she woke up in a strangers apartment. I explained to her what had happened and she demanded she take me out for breakfast as thanks" Amanda can't contain her smile as she adds "the rest as they say is history." You smile at Amanda's recantation. Sure, it isn't a Disney rendition of how a perfect couple meets but you can't deny it's a little cute.

"I didn't tell you this story to upset you Rae, I just thought you should know that Quinn suffered. She suffered because of how much she loved you – how much she still loves you." You scoff in disbelief at the possibility of Quinn still loving you. You don't deserve Quinn's love.

"Oh don't you scoff at me!" Amanda admonishes playfully, pointing her finger at you in a mock-stern manner.

"Amanda, there's no way Quinn still loves me or even likes me for that matter. From the stories you've told me, she's pretty keen on you" You respond and the brief happy atmosphere disperses when Amanda's face becomes of a severity you've never seen before.

"Firstly, It breaks my heart to watch you hate yourself so much Rae, I don't understand why you think you're so unlovable." You open your mouth to object but she cuts you off "Secondly, I didn't mean in _that _way. Quinn may not be _in love_ with you anymore the way she used to be but I don't think her feelings could have completely transformed into hatred, I believe she still cares about you immensely. A love like that doesn't just disappear. When Quinn told me about the two of you-" you wince because you now know Amanda knows the mistake you made "-she never talked about you out of hatred. She was heartbroken, of course, and maybe sometimes a little angry and bitter but never gave me the impression of hatred. Which is why I wonder, why do you hate yourself so much?"

"Don't you hate me though? Honestly, after you found out what I did, how I hurt Quinn, didn't you hate me?" You manage to get out surprisingly without crying.

"Honestly? I felt sorry for Quinn having to walk in on it all-" You drop your head in shame and embarrassment. "-But I also felt sorry for you", your head snaps up so fast you're surprised you don't have whiplash. Amanda laughs a little at your response so she explains herself "You made a mistake Rae. A pretty shitty one but hey, you're human. If I'm really honest here, I'm also kind of glad it happened because it meant I could meet Quinn. I know how selfish that sounds but I respect you too much to lie to you. I'm in love with Quinn. She makes me happier than I've ever been" You smile at her despite how much her words hurt. You want to at least try and give the impression you're okay although in reality, you're dying a little on the inside. You're torn between hating how Quinn is making someone else happy and being happy for Amanda. This situation is the epitome of disaster.

Amanda continues "…I know you still love her, I saw how you looked at her in that ever so dramatic meet up. That's why I wanted to talk to you. I didn't want there to be awkwardness because of our situation. Quinn and me? It's something I can see lasting." You desperately try and hide your heartbreak as your friend tells you the one thing you didn't want to hear

"I know it's only been a few months but I can actually see me spending the rest of my life with her, you know?" You nod. You know the feeling very well. You and Quinn used to feel the same way about each other. You can't stop the tears that are falling. "Rae, I'm so so so sorry Quinn that is my girlfriend. I wish I didn't have to put you in this situation, I really do" You smile sadly back at her. You don't blame her for the sucky situation you're all in.

"You're an amazing person Amanda" You force her eyes to meet yours when she scoffs at your compliment. "You are. Quinn deserves someone like you. You seem to make each other very happy." You hate that your voice breaks a little as you say this.

"Rae, I'll always fight for my relationship with Quinn…but if I was to ever be given the indication she'd be happier with you- if you are what would truly make her happy, I'd step aside. All I want is for Quinn to be happy, and although I want forever with Quinn, I love her too much to ever stand in the way of that".

There it is. The single thing that separates Amanda and yourself. Her selflessness. If roles had been reversed, you would have threatened Amanda to stay away from your girl, desperately grasping on to Quinn out of fear of losing her. But here Amanda was, sitting in front of you telling you her love for Quinn is so immense that she'd rather be without her and see her happy than force Quinn into something she knew Quinn didn't truly want. This sole fact resonates deep within you. You may not think you deserve Quinn but you know Amanda definitely does.

You don't know how to respond to what Amanda has just said. Words don't seem significant enough so instead; you wrap your arms around her and bury your face in her chest. It's incredible how after such a short amount of time knowing each other, Amanda can offer you such comfort. You wish you could reassure her you'd never try and come in-between her and Quinn but you can't. You can't help the way that you feel but you can try your best to ignore it.

When you separate, both of you are crying and you laugh together, dispelling the tension that was previously in the room. "We're okay yeah? You and me?" Amanda asks tentatively.

You smile at Amanda as you nod. Not just any smile but one of your trademark 'Rachel Berry' smiles. A smile you haven't had much reason to break out recently. Amanda jumps up and down clapping in excitement at your confirmation. You can't help but share in her happiness. It feels like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders after talking to Amanda. Sure, the issue of your jealousy of Quinn and Amanda's relationship is still there but at least you haven't lost her.

"So…I have a bit of a surprise for you since we're still buddies and all" Amanda exclaims, hands clasped together rocking back and forth on her feet. You look up at her, a little confused. "I'm covering your shift today!" Okay now you're a lot confused.

"Why?"

"Because Quinn's here to see you, she's waiting for you outside right now actually. She wants to have coffee!"

Your heart stops. Literally. It can't be natural to experience so many emotions at once. Panic. Excitement. Fear. You're not sure if you're ready to face Quinn yet but before you know it Amanda's grabbing your hand, leading you out to the café and dragging you towards Quinn. Quinn looks up at the two of you as she hears you approach. She looks up at you and you see the edges of her mouth edge up a little.

"Hey, Rachel."

Well shit.

* * *

A/N: So yeah, as I warned a bit of a filler but I think it's important for the two to share this little conversation. I know the lack of Faberry interaction is annoying but I needed this to build a bit of a foundation and to enable me to segue my story into the Amanda/Quinn one and the Rachel/Quinn one. Next chapters i'll address what a few of you pointed out - why Quinn has the time for Amanda she doesn't have for Quinn.

Also, sorry about the little cliff-hanger but I couldn't resist ;)

I don't know when I'm going to be able to update next but please don't give up on me, the update **will **happen.


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